greetings from here y now
Sitting here in a cafe in Byron Bay.
I’ve been here since January 10. I thought I’d be on my way home to California by now, but I’ve extended my stay here for another who knows how long.
It’s been beautiful with sunshine and swell here in the Bay, and I’ve been told that it had snowed at First Point in Malibu a few weeks ago, so I don’t think I will be on my way home just yet.. Still enjoying my time soaking up the summer vibes of the Southern Hemisphere.
I’ve been living out of my lovely van for almost three months now - a lot of alone time, reflecting on my life and the series of events that has led me to here y now. I was really working with the magic of manifesting this van, and I cannot explain how grateful and filled I am with love, abundance, and trust in life and all that is.
I have been meeting such an amazing community of people here in Byron, and I love the pace and ease of living here. Being in a van also helps as there is sooo much time to be spent alone.
V A N life:
I’m asleep by 9pm, I’m up by 6am - wake up and (re)park at the beach and go for a walk, yoga, and/or surf. Most days I work at a cafe where I have lovely coffee and brekkie + lunch, I’m off by 2-3pm straight for an afternoon surf:) naps in the van, cook up some dinner at the park or at a friends, have a swim, read, write, reflect, music, and to bed by 8 or 9pm. this simple living has been nice:)
a ton ton of surfing, and lotssss of time reflecting on Self and all of life. I’m learning so much about myself each day - some days I find myself so lonely in these times of being alone, filling the silence and emptiness with the company of others when really I know it’s to avoid facing parts of myself. I’m learning to balance and dig deeper, but also at times allowing myself to be at ease, have fun and truly enjoy the company and all the people and moments in front of me.
Some days its hectic, feels like I’m going backwards a hundred steps.. every day is a practice of self-love, patience, forgiveness, understanding, and trust.
For now I live simply, meeting myself where I am with who I am rather than who and where I expect myself to be. reminding myself everyday to stay gentle with myself.. to relax a bit and enjoy the simple joys of this ride. Slowly and eventually finding my way back to rituals and connection, which is the scariest thing for me right now. I reflect back to the days I was meditating once, twice daily, writing essay lengths of understandings - compared to now where I’m scared to sit with myself for even five minutes or I face a blank page when sitting down to write.. but I trust that I will be there again, (re)ready to face more.
I think it’s exactly that anyway.. the ebb and flow: that inner work is about recognizing the balance of the work - of doing and of being. of living and of learning. of understanding and of surrender. of work and play. of deep soul-searching but also not always needing to philanthropize and/or understand it all. all a teaching and practice of recognizing and honoring the journey.
And for today (today is now and now is always) this is enough. Me, you here and now is enough. As long as we’re showing up with intention and understanding, eventually the art - the flow, the connection, the clarity and creativity - will come through again. Doing my best to stay present with the now, to not force my art, love, or light in any way. I guess this is slowly what is coming out of it..
Grateful for this life, with all its beauty and confusion, all its ups and downs.
I hope this makes you feel less alone today - that you know we are all here learning, sharing the blessings of being human.. on the search for connection, belonging, and understanding. all confused, all winging it, but all together:) finding our way back to wholeness. to oneness.
Here’s to the process🌀
one love many blessings. love always, in all ways. xx nene