embracing it all (and learning a lot along the way)
I've been finding myself a bit stuck with my writing - sometimes feeling as though I have nothing to say, or as though I don't feel the connection and flow between the words and my thoughts/feelings. And I don't want to neglect this space or let anyone (ultimately myself) down by being inconsistent with writing.
But at the same time, I don't want to be too hard on myself for not posting everyday like I intended, or feel wrong or bad about it. Because I've been noticing that it stems from me trying as best as I can to be present with myself and the happenings within my life. It's me trying to find a balance within all that is: to write, I have to take time to read. To talk and spread awareness on things, I have to listen and learn about these things.
And I realize that that is with all things in life. Or better yet, this is life - of finding balance within all things. I think a lot of it comes down to this - finding a happy median between being human yet of spirit, of giving and of taking. Of light and dark, with the ups and the downs.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and re-evaluating since starting this blog. I've been thinking of the initial vision for it and for myself, and have been trying to find balance between the different aspects I want to bring to it. I envisioned writing for myself, yes, but also in a way where it's not too scattered and in-my-head so that it can be relate-able and presentable to others. I'm working on balancing to create a writing style in between the way I would write in my journal and writing for a public feed. And I guess that comes with experience and finding my niche in bringing the words out of me gracefully.
For today, I write from a space of vulnerability and I write pretending that this is my journal. This is me figuring it out - me trying to find a balance. And this space will stay sacred to me, and allow me to find balance and stay authentic the whole way. I hope that you will forgive me and excuse that I may miss days of writing, I may write sounding like a wreck at times, or sound like a different person depending on how I want to express myself that day. All in all, it's still me. And I'm still human. Living and learning the process.
For today, I practice balance and authenticity. I am not mad at myself for how I feel, or for what I can't do. I just am. And shit that feels enough for me right now. Today was a great day, by the way. Lots of new things and changes to come (after I sort it out and get some stuff down on paper). Thank you for the patience and the love.
Today, we are well.
Today is now, and now is always.