Fruits of Labor + Spotify Playlist
"To labor in the arts for any reason other than love is prostitution." - Steven Pressfield, from The War of Art
This is a post of me sharing a playlist that I've shared once before, but through the boggles of my humanly thoughts and my personal process, I deleted the post the day after I published it. It was a simple post where I shared a Spotify playlist of mine - and I deleted it because 1) I was organizing the blog format and decided it didn't fit anywhere at the time 2) because I didn't think anyone would check it out or like it.
This is me being honest. This is me being vulnerable and showing my raw humanness and the inner fires that I occasionally trip out over. I just let my insecurities and expectations get the best of me, and took it down out of fear and uncertainty. And when I think about the playlist, I freaking love this playlist! It's just a compilation of songs of various genres, but I find myself coming back to this whenever I don't want to browse for new music or when I don't know what to listen to.
A couple of days after deleting it, I called a dear friend of mine and one of the first things he told me was that he went out or was ubering (I can't remember) and was playing my playlist. And as he did, a random person listening to it asked him about the playlist because they enjoyed it. At that point my friend had even shared with them my blog so that they can get the link to it (which, if you're out there, I'm sorry I took it down - here it is for you).
However, I don't want to be reposting this playlist out of the contentment or fulfillment of knowing that others appreciate it too. I want to feel in myself that I am doing it (ultimately) for myself - not for the fruits of my labor, but for the sake of the labor itself. Meaning that I have to seek meaning and fulfillment for sharing my writing, my playlists, my heart, for its own sake - not for the fortune or attention or applause, but simply because I love it and I believe in it.
And this is my process of learning: In many things, I don't seek the acceptance of my work by others or really care what others may think. But sometimes I do find myself going in circles or getting too in-my-head about things. And I am learning so much - observing these disorientations within my mind, feeling and sitting with my insecurities - learning and living the process. Some of us might find ourselves constantly in this space - of insecurity, overthinking, of doubt.. this is human, and this is the journey. As you come across these times, seek to bring to the process: self-forgiveness, self-love, and understanding.
Within the teachings of the Buddha, literally the first thing in the entirety of the philosophy is the acknowledgement and the understanding that suffering exists (dukkha). This is the first of the four noble truths of Buddhism; with this being said, I truly believe that the first step in any sort of healing is to have awareness and acceptance of this suffering - of doubt, fear, etc. At least from there, we can work to peel the layers and move toward freedom and peace.
~ Anyway, here is a playlist that I share with you :) - out of love and stoke of simply sharing music. I do this for you, but for me too. I hope you find this within yourself too.
Thank you for this space for me to share, for me to be human, and for artlessly being apart of my process. Enjoy! xx
Spotify Playlist: Cocktail Hour
random bundle of songs from various genres. Just some background music over dinner, relaxed nights over drinks and games. Some songs you might recognize, some throwbacks, some this and that grooviness. I'm adding songs to it all the time, give it a follow if you'd like to keep updated. Peace~